By Roy Nelson
In today’s busy world, you’re busier than ever. Between driving kids to practice, holding down a job, sitting in on charity boards, checking in on aging parents, answering emails and planning the family vacation, you’re on the go constantly.
What would you ever have done without a “smart phone” to keep you moving and up-to-the-minute on emails?
And as much as you complain about your hectic schedule and having no time for yourself, is it possible that you’d have it no other way?
After all, even when you do have downtime you often keep the TV on and while away the hours reading Facebook posts.
Why is it that you keep so busy? Is it really because you have so many things to do? Or are you subconsciously hooked on the adrenaline rush of barely making your appointments on time and having a “to-do” list a mile long?
All too often people with Type A personalities, especially those with “addictive personalities” are not only on the go, but also “on the run.” They are uncomfortable sitting with themselves and choose, consciously or not, to stay busy.
What are they running from? Most often it’s feelings, pure and simple; they don’t want to feel any feelings that might be uncomfortable so they stay busy. The busyness allows them to stay unaware of negative feelings such as fear, angry, resentment, sadness, depression, loneliness, hurt or insecurity.
While it may seem like staying busy is a good solution to feeling down, so much so that it’s typical advice given by doctors, therapists, and friends, busyness can have some real drawbacks:
1. For one thing, with excessive activity comes stress. And with stress comes the needs to alleviate stress, which, for the busy person, doesn’t usually happen in a healthy way! Late night food binges, too many cocktails, pot-smoking, shopping and internet porn are all ways what busy people typically throw off stress. And these habits, in turn, end up creating more stress, whether by causing health problems, debt, secretive and dishonest behavior and/or shame.
2. Another reason having the “busy gene” may not pay off in the long run is that when we neglect our emotions, they don’t go anywhere; they instead fester and compound inside of us until one day we explode in an outburst of anger, either toward others or ourselves.
3. When we are too busy we forget the important things in life: we don’t listen well to those we love, our priorities get out of whack (that work deadline becomes more important than our son’s piano recital) and we secretly resent our husband’s desire for more time and closeness with us.
4. When we are on the go all the time we miss important clues about our health. Whether it be a peculiar lump on your chest, digestive trouble, a persistent cough or simple exhaustion, we keep moving and neglect to pay attention to what our bodies are trying to tell us.
5. When we don’t stop we never allow ourselves to truly know who we are. We think we know, but when we keep our schedules jam-packed, we can’t know. Only in the quiet, only in the sweet silence of time away from the hustle and bustle of life will we truly be able to hear that “still small voice” inside that is informing us about our heart’s desires. Following that voice will enable us to build confidence and sweep away fear-driven self-will that is the cause of so many of our missteps and pain in life.
If your life is too busy; if you aren’t as happy as you could be; if you are struggling with negative habits that you don’t have the willpower to stop; if you’re constantly looking for the next fix that will make life seem more interesting, it’s time to slow down and catch yourself.
No one can keep you from packing your schedules with too much activity. Only you can make that decision. Of course, sudden circumstances can also make you slow down, but don’t wait for that to happen. Even if downtime is uncomfortable, put it on your calendar anyway. When you’re tempted to keep your phone on, turn it off anyway. When you feel like you must watch the next TV program, let it go.
Try being with you for a change. See what comes up. Yes, you may have some fear crop up, you may have some negative thoughts about yourself or others, you may even have memories you’d rather not remember.
But remember, you won’t die from feelings. Allowing feelings to wash over you is so much healthier than pushing them down with activity (or food, alcohol, shopping or sex.) They will pass if you let them. Then you no longer have to run. You can choose activity—but it will be your choice, not a necessity. And you will come to love the quiet moments as much, if not more, than the busyness.
Try it, you just might like it.
